By: Cermonia Thomas
Women have been actively contributing to the economy in a productive manner since the 1900s. The rise of the women’s movement empowered us to not only dream our dreams but it afforded us the opportunity to live those dreams as well. Our roles have evolved and we are no longer preparing cups of coffee, but instead asking for refills. Although the past century has been one big power move for women that allowed us to walk in our worth, for some it was a pathway to our current dilemma… a stale dating life.
Yes, we have grown in ways that exceed expectations, and with that growth came the realization that we were worth more than the meals we cooked, houses we cleaned, and children we were meant to birth. One would believe that with our new found value and contributions to society, we would have the pick of the litter or at a minimum have become a more sought after commodity but that is not always the case. So, how does a woman that distinguishes her worth navigate the dating scene? Here are a few pointers for the high value woman:
Sober thinking sis
It is inherently natural to want a partner that can match your energy, aesthetic preference, and financial achievements but is that realistic? Sis, I know you have “the list.” What list say you? Come ‘on let’s keep it true, we all have a list that breaks out every good thing we desire in a partner.
Box 1 handsome… check.
Box 2 emotionally sound… check.
Box 3 earns more than I… reality check.
Remember that power move we discussed earlier, you know the one that allowed you to walk in your worth, the move that placed you in the top 10% of earners for your respective state. Yes, that move may have placed you at a disadvantage for finding love within the same financial bracket. Sober thinking sis, is his value based on what he earns? Change the way you think, and remember a change of mindset is not settling… perfect segue into our next pointer…
Scrap the list
We change daily, not just physically but our mental and emotional state change as well. It may be time to revamp the aforementioned list, which in my opinion, is in no way settling. Picture this: You are dating a great guy, he is gainfully employed, affectionate, emotionally sound, and ready to settle down. The vibe you have is remarkable and like nothing you have ever experienced… basically 90 percent of your list has been checked off. Then you find out he’s financially irresponsible; what do you do? Ladies this is where that “sober thinking’ comes into play. Do you walk away from the man because that box wasn’t checked? Personally, if he was willing to put in the work to become financially educated, I would scrap the list but definitely not the guy.
Focus on yourself
I can recall a recent conversation with my uncle about the difficulties of finding love when you are a high value woman. His words to me were priceless… “Men associate need with finances. A man feels needed when he can financially care for his partner. You are in a category of women that don’t need the financial security from a man that most seek. Baby girl, keep being the unicorn that you are because someone will hop in your DM that will meet you on your level.” Ladies you are a rare find and remember “He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” You are the blessing and someone beautiful has been praying for you, he is coming but in the meantime focus on you.
Hold tight to your values
Loneliness can be a really daunting feeling. When you are always alone you tend to crave physical touch and that craving will make it easy to give in to someone with the hopes that it will make things better. Instant gratification does not always work and folding on what you believe will not make him stay. I have fallen for the “quicker is better” trap and it did not make for a positive experience. Stand on your truth even if it results in lonely nights.
Ladies, give yourself a little grace and don’t get discouraged while playing the dating game. Staying encouraged has been a struggle for me at times, because I approached every person I dated as if they had the potential of being a life partner, and that was definitely not the case with most. It’s best to go in with zero expectations and have fun. After all you work hard so play just as hard. Keep the faith, walk in your worth and remember the universe is listening… tell it what you want and it will answer.
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